Your advice for 'Tom' about life without driving
plus, a special conversation for SlatePlus members
We have a new episode this week about friendship, life and death, and healthcare access in rural Appalachia. I interviewed Teresa Owens Tyson and Paula Hill-Collins, who run a nonprofit called The Health Wagon in Wise, Virginia. The episode also features one of my favorite filmmakers Ramin Bahrani, talking about his new documentary about healthcare in rural communities called If Dreams Were Lightning.
I want you to know that after we put this episode out yesterday, I learned about some local reporting last week about spending at The Health Wagon and the generous compensation packages of our guests Teresa and Paula. You can read reporter Emily Schabacker’s piece in the Cardinal News here. I wish I’d noticed the piece before we released the episode, and we’ve since asked Teresa and Paula about this reporting. I’ll let you know what we hear back.
It’s a reminder to me that interview shows like ours are part of a journalistic ecosystem and our work often jumps off of the reporting of others. And it’s why one of my hobbies has become worrying about the future of journalism and its evolving business models. If you’re interested in diving in on more of this with me, I got to talk a little more about my journalistic appetites, and how they fit into current business realities, with the Columbia Journalism Review last week. You can read that piece here.
Your advice for ‘Tom’ about life without driving
We heard from many of you after our episode last week where a few of my Slate colleagues and I offered advice as you considered some big life transitions. In today’s episode, you’ll hear some feedback about our answer to the listener considering whether to have a second child — many of you wrote to defend only-child family life.
We also got many notes for the listener we called “Tom,” who is struggling with isolation because a seizure disorder is preventing him from driving for now. We decided to reach back to Tom this week to introduce him to Anna Zivarts, a disability advocate and writer who has a new book out this week called When Driving Is Not an Option: Steering Away from Car Dependency.
Anna told “Tom” about how a congenital eye condition prevents her from driving safely and how that’s structured her life and her advocacy. Anna talks about stigma and shame. “Tom” talks about his anger and affection for racecars.
Hear “Tom,” Anna, and I in conversation in a special episode dropping this Friday that is available only to Slate Plus members. (This is part of our effort to encourage more of you to become members, and is just the start of more exclusive drops on top of our regular production.) If you haven’t already, sign up for Slate Plus here, or if you listen in Apple Podcasts, click “Try Free” at the top of our show page.
Here are some of the emails we got from fellow listeners for “Tom” about driving restrictions and finding help getting around:
I got long Covid four years ago, which has left me alternately bed bound and home bound and unable to drive for most of that time….And it’s amazing how stuck and lonely and unmotivated not being able to drive can make you. It was nice to hear someone else express that, so thank you. If anything, this experience has turned me into a staunch advocate for public transportation everywhere!
In my experience, the greatest investment you can make is in finding your people, or finding new people if you must. This is very hard and requires a lot of effort, but I echo the panelist who said there is a lot of community for people with disabilities online (though do tread carefully). I’ve found that the easiest way for people who care about me but who are able-bodied to support me is through some sort of schedule. It’s hard for people to fit others into their lives when it’s a series of one-off favors. Make it something that you both benefit from that becomes a habit. For example, I have a friend who picks me up and we go to lunch every weekend. I have a zoom with friends who still live in New York every Monday….
I also really relate to the feeling of wondering if your life will ever change again. It will. It won’t be in the ways that you expect or perhaps even hope, and you have to be open and curious, but I have found sources of wonder and joy and companionship I’m certain I never would have come across if I hadn’t gotten sick, and a wellspring of creativity born of frustration and boredom….
Lastly, do you have a dog? Have you considered getting a dog?
Sending you solidarity and wishing you luck and happiness.—Olivia, 31, SF Bay Area
And another email:
This question made me so sad. Driving is only like sex because we have chosen to build a country in which driving is essentially a requirement in most places, which doesn’t have to be the way things are….I live in a city that has famously terrible public transit, but I very rarely drive. I can walk to the gym, the library, the grocery store, bars and restaurants, several friends houses, and many places of employment including a world renown university. Also, I don’t know how safe this would be for Tom, but bicycling can open your world even further.
This sounds like a moment to make big changes to maintain as much independence as possible. Maybe a trip to Europe could be inspirational in how it is possible to function well without driving. Sending him best wishes.
— Jessie, 39, Baltimore
And this note from a legally blind listener:
I haven’t been able to drive since 2012 because of my various disabilities, so I completely understand where he is coming from. I feel like I could have said the exact same thing. It sucks.
I have a little advice - the first thing is to sit down with his wife and make sure she understands how he is feeling about all of this. My husband didn’t know until I told him. And once he knew, he could help. He does drive me places more because he understands how good it is for my mental health. He was the one to talk to close friends who cared to explain that this wasn’t temporary and how they could help - and it meant more coming from him than me because it was easier for them to understand an abled bodied person telling them.
The other thing I have found helpful, especially with the isolation, is finding online communities. For me, that does include a disability community, but I found one where people are supportive and also talk about other things. But it also includes discords for a favorite podcast where we talk about anything and everything, another for a booktuber, a subreddit for jigsaw puzzle enthusiasts. Because I’ve put the effort to get to really know people, these communities have resulted in true friendships and anytime I’m feeling down or lonely, I have somewhere to go (even if it is online) and people to talk to.
I hope this is helpful for him. It is really hard and it is hard for people who haven’t been there to get it.
—Caitie, 37, New Jersey
New York, New York!
Have you been looking for an excuse to have a night out on the town in New York City next month?
Look no further.
Join me for our live taping with Kara Swisher at Tribeca Festival on June 11. Get your tickets here!
Until next week —
Anna
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I watched If Dreams Were Lightening today and appreciated your followup email. One more thing to add: no mention was made in the documentary of Tennessee's failure to expand Medicaid, which could have extended benefits to 330,000 more people according to healthinsurance.org. Given the commentary from people without coverage, this seems like something that should have been addressed.
I wish I had some good suggestions for Tom's situation! I'm an occupational therapist and performed driving evaluations for a rehabilitation center in the past. It's the worst to have to tell someone that they shouldn't continue driving, especially in an area where you know that the options are very limited for those who do not drive. The goal of occupational therapy is to promote function and participation, but without appropriate infrastructure and public services, it's extremely difficult in cases where someone cannot or should not drive. Most people I saw needed to stop driving for safety reasons due to cognitive issues, which made it even more difficult since they also often couldn't manage to use public transportation or Uber/Lyft, etc. even if available.