Talking back to our food noise
plus, a listener asks about dealing with grief with a sober partner
A reminder: if you listen to Death, Sex & Money, please support our team's work by becoming a Slate Plus member. Get an ad-free stream of our show and exclusive episodes — like my new Plus conversation this week with a Death, Sex & Money listener named Chey, about her work as a body-positive reproductive health educator while contending with an eating disorder and her own body-negative self-talk.
Our bodies are at once private and the most visible thing about us.
So it makes sense that our feelings about our bodies get tangled up in all the assumptions and judgments other people pile on them, particularly our choices about whether to try to change their shape.
This came up as I listened to many of your updated stories and observations about weight and relationships in our new episode this week. Listen here.
Our conversation picks up on themes we first explored four years ago in an episode called The Weight of Love. In that episode, listeners shared stories about weight and body size and how those factors affect their romantic relationships. Fast-forward to 2024, and weight loss drugs like Ozempic and Wegovy have complicated these issues even further.
I was joined by three people who bring different perspectives and personal experiences to our new body size management reality: 1. Death, Sex & Money return advice-giver Ronald Young Jr., host of the podcast Weight For It; 2. editor and writer Anna Holmes, who wrote a eulogy for Slate for her backside after taking Mounjaro (Anna is also executive producer for the great new podcast about Stevie Wonder, The Wonder of Stevie); 3. and Jill Lewis, a body-positive therapist based in Atlanta, whose perspectives and useful reframes have echoed in my mind *many* times since we recorded this together.
I loved hearing my guests take in listeners' stories and where they pushed each other and disagreed. I think you’ll enjoy it. Listen here.
In the episode, we talk about food noise, the internal dialogue about what we want to eat, how good it would taste, whether we should, and on and on. For me, food noise gets loudest when I am watching The Great British Baking Show, which dovetails nicely with stress eating because I usually only watch this show when I am overwhelmed with exhaustion and just need to power down. (During my second pregnancy, my naps in front of streaming “showstopper challenges” were EPIC).
I’ve had to fire up some …Baking Show in this last week because the stimulation of the news became just too much. If you haven’t watched the latest season, let me urge you to do so you can hang out with my new baking (and life) hero, Nelly. She’s the very best.
In an additional drop this week for Slate Plus members, I talked with a listener named Chey about living with an eating disorder when you don’t “look” like you have one. We also talked about leading a Radical Monarchs troop and mentally preparing to go home for holiday gatherings and meals. Join Slate Plus and get to know Chey while supporting our work at Death, Sex & Money—thank you!
Loving — and Needing — a Person in Recovery
We received this email this week from a listener at deathsexmoney@slate.com and thought some of you might have something to offer in response.
I just listened to your episode featuring “When is it Time to Stop Drinking.” Towards the end when they talked about how sobriety is not just the absence of drinking, but a reconciling of who you are and giving grace to your former self, it really touched me. I have never struggled with substances, but so many people close to me do, including my husband. I know he struggles with finding grace with himself and honestly, at times, I find it hard to forgive some of the aspects of who he was during his worst days struggling with alcoholism.
I would love to hear stories and perspectives from you and your listeners of partners who support sober people. There are so many things to navigate together. Grace and trust can be tricky. One of the challenges for me right now is that I recently lost a close family member and navigating my grief with my partner is hard. I want him to be there for me when I fall apart, but deep down inside, I am afraid to go there with him because one of my biggest fears is that me falling apart, will lead to him falling apart and relapsing. I know deep in his heart that he is there for me, but from all the years of substance abuse and years of relapses, it is hard to fully trust. I would love to hear more stories and perspectives that touch on some of these complicated feelings.
-Name withheld
Got any stories or perspectives to share? You can add them in the comments or reply to this email if you want to keep your name private.
I also told this listener that we have just recorded a Plus conversation with an addiction specialist that we’ll be sharing with you in a few weeks. And if you could use more concrete and complicated writing about recovery and sober living, A.J. Daulerio writes an advice column for Slate and runs the great newsletter community The Small Bow.
Other Recommendations.
This week’s recommendations are from the Department of Music Documentaries.
The timing of Quincy Jones’ death the week of the election meant that I didn’t get to spend enough time reading over remembrances and listening to music he touched, so I’ve spent some time doing that this week. What a life. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend the 2018 documentary Quincy. made by his daughter Rashida Jones and others. It’s on Netflix.
Another Netflix documentary that will make you appreciate Mr. Jones’ talent for convening and herding is The Greatest Night in Pop, which is about the recording of “We Are the World.”
I also recently watched June, a documentary about June Carter Cash, which came out last year and is now streaming on Paramount Plus. I caught it on a plane — and reader, I stared at that little screen with a big smile on my face until big plump tears formed in my eyes. I didn’t really know enough about her career pre-Johnny, other than her childhood playing in the Carter family band.
I loved learning about June’s improv comedy on the Opry stage, how she trained as an actor with Sandy Meisner in New York, and her invaluable Nashville den-mothering and championship of up-and-comers like a young Kris Kristofferson, all while tending to her big blended family.
Until next week,
Anna
Listen to our latest Death, Sex & Money episodes
11/12 Will He Still Love Me When I’m Off Ozempic? (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
11/12 Plus: A Body Positive Educator Contends with Her Eating Disorder (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
11/5 A Celebration (and Critique) of American Freedom (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/29 The Making and Unmaking of a Productivity Perfectionist (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/22 Haley Joel Osment Is Not Your Typical Former Child Star (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/22 Plus: The New Era of Pop Womanhood (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/15 Search Engine: When Is It Time To Stop Drinking? (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/8 My Father Planned His Death. I Didn’t Stop Him. (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/8 Plus: Two Sex Columnists on Tapping Turn-ons (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/1 My Secret Life as a Hoarder (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
9/24 Bob the Drag Queen Says Polyamory is Expensive (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
9/24 Plus: A Succession Star’s Guide to Giving Away Money (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
Hi Anna,
Your podcast has long been must-listen since I heard your interview with Al and Ann Simpson. Thank you for how you talk to people.
I was listening to your interview on weight and it gave me instant anxiety. I've heard so much about the topic of weight loss drugs and the one thing I'm hoping for and don't hear is the idea of choice and privacy. I celebrate body positivity, neutrality, and all things self esteem related. AND, it's a medical issue (with no medical provider invited), it's private (we don't have large scale erection drug conversations), and it's OK to want to do something that will make yourself feel better. The drugs are treated like they were just invented; not tested constantly as all other FDA approved products are and it worries me that the narrative of side effects are not addressed with a professional. I was glad to hear Anna Holmes (I could hear myself) but I could also live with never hearing about folks medical choices again. And I know keenly that this is only a continuing and robust discussion because it centers on women, despite the drug used on all genders. Thanks for reading all the way and looking forward to more compelling episodes!