Trying on some new hats
plus, the bummer of hypertension and writer Kaveh Akbar's infectious enthusiasms
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I started this week thinking I was going to the doctor to check on a mole, but I left the appointment with a new prescription for blood pressure medication.
My doc and I have been monitoring my blood pressure for years, going back to when it first showed up at the tail end of my second pregnancy. But this was the week we decided it was time to try medication to get it a little more under control. It seems to be genetic for me. (Want to learn more about hypertension across a woman’s life cycle? Read here.)
Having elevated blood pressure makes me feel old and out of control, and I worry for my little heart that’s having to pump a little harder just to keep things going. It’s also a bummer to start a prescription for a pill I may have to take from here on out. There are some side effects that I’ll have to manage, including extra skin sensitivity to the sun. It all made me a little sulky.
But here, friends, is where I turned lemons into lemonade.
extra sun sensitivity —> need for more sun protection —> become a hat person
Do you know who can help with that?
Berkeley Hat Company has been on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley since the year I was born. It is fantastic. This shop is 40 years old and, I learned on the internet, once proudly hosted the milliner who designed Aretha Franklin’s hat for Obama’s first inauguration.
The kids and I had a great time finding the right fit.
I chose the floppy brown one this season and a straw sun hat for summer. And, in the end, the mole seems fine.
This week on Death, Sex & Money: Kaveh Akbar!
The novel Martyr! was one of my favorites from last year, and throughout, I kept thinking: What mind wrote this???”
Kaveh Akbar did, and he’s also a fascinating and really fun conversation partner.
Kaveh is a poet, and Martyr! is his first novel. It was a finalist for the National Book Award and is now available in paperback.
In our conversation, he told me about being someone who is always guided by forceful enthusiasms: for words, for human connection, and during his early 20s, for drugs and alcohol. He’s been sober for years but still thinks of himself as someone drawn to peak sensations:
I have always liked getting high and getting out of myself, right? Like, I just like that feeling. I like feeling different than, the default setting. I mean, I remember as like a tiny little kid, I would dangle my head off the edge of the couch and then like jump up as quickly as I could to get the rest of blood to my head. And like, and then I would like giggle and do it again.
You know, like I've just ] always liked getting high and, the experience of reading a poem, like it, like talking about Yusuf Komunyakaa right now with you is giving me goosebumps. You know what I mean? Like that's a physiological change in my person that has happened just because of the memory. Like, that's fucking insane. That's nuts. That's, you know, I've never been the beneficiary of a burning bush or, you know, uh, uh, angels clarion trumpet, right? Like, this is the magic that I have known, right?
You can hear my conversation with Kaveh Akbar here.
And for Slate Plus listeners, we have a special conversation with Dr. Nzinga Harrison, a psychiatrist and addiction medicine specialist, about loving people in addiction and how she thinks about agency, interventions, and the best way to talk about problematic substance use. I learned a lot in our conversation. You may want to check out her book, Un-Addiction: 6 Mind-Changing Conversations That Could Save a Life.
Recommendations from the DSM Universe
AJ DeLauro, of
— and this episode of Death, Sex & Money via — had a lovely conversation on The Small Bow podcast with Heather Havrilesky. AJ talks about hearing Heather’s episode on our show about her Zoom singing lessons and the catharsis of belting out Jesus Christ Superstar anthems, and they go on from there. I really appreciate one of the themes they keep circling: how much enjoyment can come from a hobby once you let yourself be mediocre at it.- , who was part of our *REVIVAL* show last year, had a great post at BAD AT KEEPING SECRETS this week that immediately got me scrolling: “Who here is in couples therapy?” Carissa is a wife and a mom of a kid with a chronic illness (CF), and I appreciated how she talked about how much having the same stress in a marriage — like worrying about a sick child — can make a couple recede from one another when they different styles of coping with emotional distress.
On the Media shared our updated episode with Tasha Adams, the ex-wife of Oathkeepers founder Stewart Rhodes. (Micah Loewinger, On the Media’s co-host, interviewed Tasha with me.) If you’re not subscribed, give it a try. Listening to OTM always helps me sort through the news as it’s coming so fast.
I got to Zoom visit with writer
last week, and that hour gave me so much comfort and creative fuel. Tommy hosts the podcast Southbound, where he talks to thinkers and writers with connections to the South. He also wrote a book, Dogland, that I repeatedly recommended at dinner parties and the dog park. Our digital hang was prompted by the recent episode with comedian Gary Gulman, because it turns out Tommy and Gary Gulman have been friendly for years, which makes sense because they both make big-hearted, values-centered work.Speaking of Gary Gulman, he’ll be on the bill along with other recent Death, Sex & Money guest Jeff Hiller on March 23 at The Bell House in Brooklyn for a “New York Loves LA” fundraiser.
Californians! Kaveh Akbar and
are doing a west coast driving tour with stops in Sacramento, Point Reyes, and Menlo Park in March.And finally, longtime friend of the show, W. Kamau Bell is doing standup shows across the country, starting at The Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. tonight, Thursday, February 13. What will he talk about?
Until next week,
Anna
Listen to our latest Death, Sex & Money episodes
2/11 After Sobriety, Chasing Goosebumps Instead of Highs (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
2/11 Plus: Is Addiction a Disease or a Choice? (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
2/4 The ‘Chest-Clenching Fear’ of My Ex-Husband’s Jan 6 Commutation (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
2/4 Plus: Why I Narrated a Book About a Green Energy Fight (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
1/28 The Kind of Man a Bullied Boy Becomes (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
1/21 Babygirl Director Wants Women Not to Suppress Their Beast (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
1/21 Plus: What Was ‘Girls Gone Wild’ Really For? (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
1/14 Paid to Care: When Class, Power, and Caregiving Collide (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
1/14 Plus: More Estrangement Confessions (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
1/7 Paid to Care: The Magic, and Mess, of Care Work. (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
12/31 Love Actually: Real Romance From Mahershala Ali, Jane Fonda, and More (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
I really enjoyed the interview with Kaveh Akbar! And I laughed out loud hearing about the chicken meet cute story!