The time to cut ties, the time for repair
Estrangement stories, your top infidelity pop culture & some Thxgiving rec's from me.
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Popping into your inbox while many of you are probably deep in meal prep brain.
So first, as a public service, let me share this from my colleagues at Slate.
I just added more chocolate chip cookies to my shopping list for the weekend to make Hrishikesh Hriway’s pick for this: Toll House chocolate chip cookies. I heartily agree. Other chocolate chip cookie recipes may be fancier, but none are better!
Now, some listening for you while you cook/rest/wind down over these next few days.
Starting with our episode in your feed this week. We’re sharing listener stories about the estrangement of key relationships — sometimes caused by political differences, sometimes by more personal reasons, and often, a mix of both. We revisit an episode we made in 2022 and include some updates about what’s happened since. Listen here.
At the top of the episode, I also talk about Pam Daghlian and George Shankland, a stepdaughter and stepfather that I wrote about in my book. They were two people who had long been locked in an emotional cold war — and then found a new way to be in a relationship as Pam’s mother was declining with dementia. Pam let me know earlier this year that George died in 2023. Here’s a piece where I wrote more about their story
A few more listens:
More stories of Death, Sex & Money listeners about estrangement — some that reconciled and some that didn’t — from our original series here and here.
Vox’s Today Explained also had an episode last week about “no contact” family relationships, where Slate contributor Emi Nietfeld says technology might be accelerating family conflicts because we are too available to each other. “There’s no etiquette anymore.” I also appreciated clinical psychologist Joshua Coleman lamenting our culture’s “impoverished language about interdependency and compassion.”
And if you have the stomach for some political listening, I found myself nodding along to this conversation on The Ezra Klein Show, “In This House, We’re Angry When Government Fails.” Jennifer Pahlka, author of Recoding America, is one of the guests here, and her newsletter post last week about childcare workers and food prep regulations got me similarly fired up.
Your top infidelity watches and listens
Last week, you pitched in your recommendations for the top TV/movies/music/books that capture the big feelings around infidelity, affairs, and attraction outside monogamous relationships. Here are a few of your recommendations:
MUSIC: “Slip Away” by Clarence Carter
MUSIC: “The Other Woman” by Loretta Lynn
MUSIC: “Good Womany by Cat Power
MUSIC: “I Know” by Fiona Apple
MUSIC: The Weakness in Me by Joan Armatrading
TV: Looking
MOVIES: The Pumpkin Eater (1964)
MOVIES: Maggie’s Plan (2015)
MOVIES: Same Time Next Year (1978)
MOVIES: Heartburn (1986)
BOOKS: Heartburn by Nora Ephron
BOOKS: Vladimir by Julia May Jonas
BOOKS: Big Swiss by Jen Beagin
Other Recommendations.
Here are a few more things to check out as you reflect on community, history, gratitude, and the potential for repair during this Thanksgiving weekend in America.
This 19-minute short documentary — called “Homecoming” — is about tribal efforts to restore wild buffalo herds in the United States. It features Jason Baldes and Wind River Tribal Buffalo Initiative in Wyoming. Watch here.
This recent dispatch about Humbolt County was from wandering Youtube documentarian Peter Santanello. I’m not in the habit of watching really long Youtube documentaries before bed, but this one kept me watching all the way to the end, and I’m so glad. It was also a refreshing tonic in the midst of all the political writing that tries to essentialize this big, diverse state where I live. Watch here. (Thanks to The California Sun for flagging this for me.)
And one more listening recommendation if you can tolerate the earnestness: Simple Gifts” performed by Yo-yo Ma and Alison Kraus. A perfect tune for Thanksgiving pie-making.
Until next week,
Anna
Listen to our latest Death, Sex & Money episodes
11/26 Why I Chose Estrangement (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
11/19 How a Betrayed Spouse Became an Infidelity Expert (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
11/19 Plus: Divorce is Illegal in My Country. Here’s How I Escaped My Marriage. (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
11/12 Will He Still Love Me When I’m Off Ozempic? (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
11/12 Plus: A Body Positive Educator Contends with Her Eating Disorder (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
11/5 A Celebration (and Critique) of American Freedom (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/29 The Making and Unmaking of a Productivity Perfectionist (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/22 Haley Joel Osment Is Not Your Typical Former Child Star (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/22 Plus: The New Era of Pop Womanhood (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/15 Search Engine: When Is It Time To Stop Drinking? (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/8 My Father Planned His Death. I Didn’t Stop Him. (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/8 Plus: Two Sex Columnists on Tapping Turn-ons (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
10/1 My Secret Life as a Hoarder (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
9/24 Bob the Drag Queen Says Polyamory is Expensive (Apple|Spotify|Slate)
9/24 Plus: A Succession Star’s Guide to Giving Away Money (Apple|Spotify|Slate)